For Immediate Release from the office of the President of the United States:
TOMATOES GONE ROGUE!
A team of specialists had been put together to stop this threat. This team will be headed by Mason Dixon, and includes a disguise expert, a Navy diver, an Olympic swimmer, and a soldier (with parachute).
Proceed with extreme caution, tomatoes have already killed several people. Most attack outright, but a few isolated incidents include tomatoes juicing themselves and disguising as a popular beverage. One glass will cause immediate death.
These fruits (yes, they are fruits) have been known to cower upon hearing the song Puberty Love. If possible, stay armed with a copy of this tune at all times. If you encounter a tomato, play song loudly and stomp on tomato to eliminate the threat.
DISPOSING OF THESE KILLER TOMATOES:
Once you have eliminated the threat via smashing, combine with some form of alcohol to eliminate all harmful toxins. May I recommend one particularly good option...some even believe it has magical properties - Crystal Head Vodka. Although the bottle looks like a skull and some may associate that with death, it is only the death of that nasty "killer tomato virus" that will occur, as the Crystal Skull is actually a symbol of life, spiritual power, and enlightenment.
Spicy Crystal Head Bloody Mary
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: n/a
Keywords: beverage tomatoes alcohol vodka Halloween
Ingredients (serves 1)
- 1 Tbs. sea salt
- ½ tsp. ground black pepper
- ½ tsp. celery salt
- lemon wedge
- 1 tender, leafy celery stick
- 1 pimento-stuffed green olive
- 1 slice salami
- 1 small pickled jalapeño
- 1 lemon wedge
- ice cubes
- ¾ c. Spicy Vegetable or Tomato Juice (preferably low-sodium)
- 1 Tbs. freshly squeezed lemon juice
- couple dashes Worcestershire Sauce
- pinch celery salt
- 2 oz. Crystal Head Vodka
Combine ingredients for rim on a small plate. Run a lemon wedge around the rim of your glass and invert it onto the salt mixture; coat rim well.
Prepare a skewer of all the garnish ingredients, except the celery.
Put a few ice cubes into the prepared glass and then add all the ingredients for the cocktail, in order listed. Stir with the celery stick, then set the garnish on top and serve. Enjoy!
I like to have a little bowl full of extra garnish ingredients to munch on while sipping this Bloody Mary. Because really, a Bloody Mary is like a meal to me.
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